Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I'm changing the English language (but maybe not for the better)

First, someone lifted my blog name. I don't blame them, Glutenless Goddess is clever and catchy (but a little cumbersome), as I have pointed out before. As proof* that I invited the word 'Glutenless', spellcheck indicates that 'Glutenless' is not actually a real word. So clearly, you heard it from me first. In case you're wondering, the proper way to convey the spirit behind 'Glutenless' is 'Gluten Free.'

Now, it appears as though 'Glutard' has caught on. Imagine my surprise when, while waiting for the bus one morning, I grab a free newspaper and see "Glutards Unite" on the front page. I opened up to the page referenced, and sure enough, there was an article about beer for gluten intolerant folks. Here's a link to the online version of that article (I realize that this version lacks the front page hook). Now, I know 'Glutard' isn't a real word (so does spellcheck). But since I first found out I was glutarded three years ago, I've been referring to myself as a 'Glutard.' Therefore, I clearly invented that word, too. The proof** is in the glutenless pudding. And yet I never trademarked it, and so here I am, not collecting my royalties. 

So in that spirit, I want to let the whole world know that I also invented the term 'Lactard' to refer to someone who is lactose intolerant. I invented the name for Inside Out Ravioli and Poor-itos. I invented the word 'Beanis' to refer to those little nub ends on green beans. I invented a bunch of other words, too. You can start sending me checks anytime now. 

*As a scientist, I feel really dirty and uncomfortable about using the word 'proof.' You can't really prove anything, you just just find evidence to support something. As a lazy writer, though, I am keeping the word up there anyway. The scientist in me is going to continue to feel violated. 
**Still uncomfortable around the word 'proof.' 

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